Who am I really going to make happy if I go? Do I really want to go? I mean do I have the money for that place? Will I enjoy and cherish the time I will spend at the place? Maybe if it was being ran the way it will make me interested, maybe I would want to go? Loved ones telling me, forcing me, "Edgar this what you need" , "do this, oh wait do that!" what do I do? I mean what would we be the reaction if I just told them "look, fuck all that shit, that is not for me." ? Will I get bashed? I know it's difficult to put the ideas that run around your head into theirs. So many years of them hearing "yeah it's for everyone! He will be stupid if he doesn't go" I mean who am I trying to make happy at the end of the day? What should I do? Do something I do not love and be unhappy but I end up doing it to make others happy? I won't be pleasing myself. Let me an example of this real quickly. What if I do what the loved ones tell me what to do? What if I make it and become successful? I mean I'll be good in their terms but what about my own self? What if it falls down? Oh will you look at that, the "loved ones" leave, where is all the love and care? I will become angry at life. I will become angry at myself. Matter fact angry at 3 things to be exact. The downfall, the fact that I listened to someone else and did something I didn't truly enjoy, and the fake care and support from the "loved ones". The question begins to be asked, do you really trust the loved ones? Will they only be there for the part time success and happiness? This hasn't even happened to me, yet I'm thinking this, it's really amazing the thoughts that can run through your head. Anyways, what am I truly trying to say here? Make yourself truly happy with what you really want to do or make someone else happy with the temporary success and happiness for yourself? I guess it's really on the mindset you are in.
